I knew I reached the Asphodel Meadows (look it up, moron) when the waitress sat me at an aqua Formica table with a clear view of the 2/3 subway entrance. Nick’s Greek Corner is the kind of classy joint where the waitress wears a hairnet and chastises you for ordering before your lunch buddy arrives. Fortunately, Yutzi didn’t have to eat alone…I had this guy hovering over my table to keep me company.
Check out the gyro-hole on Zeus there. Did I mention this place is in Chelsea?
Anyway, so your hero was seated between two tables- two fat middle-aged lawyer gals, who were squeezed into their booth so snugly I thought they were going to erupt like Vesuvius- and a four-top of businessmen who looked beaten down by life in their crumpled suits, ordering sissy drinks with lemon and ice on the side, wishing they were living it up like this guy.
I ordered a large bowl of split pea soup, coffee, and the gyro plate and it only set me back $12 buckaroos. I managed to scrape together almost $11 in unclaimed tips on the other tables, so hey, almost a free lunch! Almost better than the price was the waitress announcing the arrival of my soup by shouting “here’s your bowl of PEE.” Bowl of pee? What, is there a fuckswing in the break room of this place?
I cracked the Daily News in an attempt to enjoy my meal in peace, but the businessmen were mumbling on about some sports bullshit, while the fat ladies giggled like little school girls between bites of their salad, like they were looking at their first dink. Why do large girls always order salad and diet coke? Who you foolin’? We all know you are going to hit the next greasy spoon and down a large order of fries. Yutzi’s right behind you, good lookin’!
Oh, and I forgot to tell you… I saw Ed Begley Jr. there! Or at least it was a guy who looked a lot like him. I admit it was an odd place to see such a force in Hollywood. I would’ve said hi but I can never remember what he was in. “Riptide”? Ah, fuck it.
Anyway, you’re probably wondering about the food. Well, the pea was sublime, with croutons so big they could double for a flotation device. You could stand a fork upright in the coffee it was so thick and strong. Fortunately, at one point, I ended up with three pitchers of milk on my table. My bones thank you, lady. And my gyro melted in my mouth like the tender ass meat of an Elysian game beast.
Yep, if you’re asking this guy how he prefers to spend his lunch hour, I’d definitely have to say I’ll take it Greek!
What, why are you laughing?
Greek Corner, 322 7th Ave, New York, NY